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Our Most Frequently Asked Dance Questions
(answered by dance expert, Jeff Allen)
If you do not have a special song, how do you go about picking one that is perfect?
Let me begin by presenting my ideas about what a first dance song should be. The
song or lyrics of a song that really occur or define the moment when a couple
KNOWS they have fallen deeply in love. Think of your song as a musical and
emotional photograph that fulfills the time, place, and circumstance of the realization
of your love. When you hear this song you can think of nothing else but spending the
rest of your life’s dreams, hopes, and wishes with that special person.
Now that we have set the mood criteria for a couple’s song ('Our Song'), we must
decide if it is danceable. The dance ability of any given piece of music is one of the
main reasons I have created the wedding Song Library. Couples may check several
of their choices with the tempo, and the dance type or characteristic of any posting to
the wedding Song Library. Then they learn what type of dance they must perform the
day of their wedding. Please excuse the usage of the word perform, but in reality that’
s what you are doing. A dance in front of an audience (all be it an audience that is
both compassionate and sympathetic) along with still and moving photography is a
performance. If you are prepared, your first dance can be as memorable as your
choice of song. The dance ability of a slow rhythm ballad becomes more difficult as
the rhythm or tempo (Bars Per Minute) of a song is reduced. In other words, the
slower the song the harder it is for dancing. If your selection falls under the
categories of a named dance like Waltz, Foxtrot, Rumba then you must know it or you
have some additional work to do.
When I am asked as a dance instructor and educator, it would always be my
preference to direct a couple's choice to a song whose tempo incorporates of the
named dances. In the case of a, "First Dance," I would lean toward the Waltz or
Foxtrot. These two narrow the selections down for the couple but more importantly,
when people learn a named dance they have learned a life skill as opposed to
learning something just for a milestone date. They have afforded themselves the
opportunity to dance with a broader spectrum of people over a wider range of time
and circumstances. In keeping with this line of thought at your wedding both the
Brides & Grooms will dance with a parent or surrogate. This dance partner will be
twenty or more years older than either the Bride or Groom. It is my observation they
are more comfortable dancing a basic Waltz or Foxtrot with a standardized dance
frame rather than in a romantic dance position.
To review the criteria of the perfect, "First Dance" song, you must ask yourself, "can I
dance to this song which makes me know I am completely in love with my spouse to
be?"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
How long should you dance?
Many of the most popular first dance songs are over 3 to 4 minutes long. Although
three minutes does not seem to be a long time, when you are the only couple on the
dance floor it can seem an eternity!
The optimum time for a first dance should be 2-2:30 minutes long. Due to the length
of some of the songs popular among engaged couples, this will require some
coordination between the wedding couple as well as your D. J. Listen to your song
and find the verses that are most meaningful for you. Either you or the D. J. should
prepare an audio tape of the exact time duration that pleases you with the verses
you have selected. I often make these tapes for my students who are about to get
married. In this way, the engaged couple can dance to exactly their preference
including a segue of songs if they so desire. Also by keeping the songs shorter and
more meaningful, all attention will remain focused on the dance floor!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Special help needed for the order of dances for a wedding reception. My bride-to-be
parents are still together, but my parents are divorced. My mom is single again, but
my dad has remarried and has been married for 20+ years. My step mother is just
like a mom to me. Our problem is, in what order should we dance at our reception, (i.
e. Bride and Brides father, then Bride and Groom) then Groom and Mother, and then
Groom and step Mother? Or do the Bride and Groom dance first? Any help or insight
you can provide would be greatly appreciated. Thank you.
I'm happy to help you with this one, I can see some sticky areas here and appreciate
your concerns.
The Bride & Groom must be first! This is your first act as man and wife and should
start every wedding reception. I accept but do not necessarily agree with other
formats.
Father of the Bride or whoever presents the Bride with the Bride
Groom with natural Mom and then Step-Mom
Both sets of Parents dance with each other at the same time and have the Best man
dance with your Mom. That will make her feel special rather than left out. A close
uncle or her brother could also pinch-hit. I'd go for the Best Man!!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
How should I coordinate my first dance music, order of presentation, with the D. J.,
band or orchestra?
When making wedding preparations, we often fall into the attitude that the people we
have hired are professionals - they've done lots of these - they know what to do!
Don't forget this is your day! Don't leave it only in others hands! Although it means
spending extra time on what appears to be small details, it will be worth it. Being
prepared and knowing exactly when things should and will happen will ease some of
your nervousness. I recommend preparing a script, there is an example of one in my
book Quickstart To Social Dancing. Once you have put something down in writing
those that you present it to will have to abide by what your requests are or have a
good explanation as to why they did not! (See also Musical Notebook in this section.)
Be very certain that the MC (sometimes one and the same as the D.J.) knows how to
properly pronounce all the names of the wedding party! They should also know the
exact order of the dance presentations and plan the length of each dance etc.
It sounds like a lot of extra time and effort but it will be well worth it. Have a meeting
with either or both of these professionals and go into that meeting prepared with
written questions and ideas. Each and every wedding reception has similarities as
well as great differences, please don't leave anything to chance!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Are there any hints regarding our attire for the reception?
Many times in the excitement of outfitting the wedding party, individuals forget that
they won't be posed for photographs all day! They will actually have to sit down, walk
around, bend over, hug people, and yes, dance! Keep this in mind as you try on your
wedding day attire. Actually go through the motions when you have your gown/ tux/
bridesmaid/ attire on. Many a bride and groom have made their entrance onto a
dance floor only to find one member of the couple (or both!) can't raise their arms to
form the dance couple.
While the groom may remove his wedding jacket later on in the reception, he must be
able to dance in it for your first dance. A good tuxedo is constructed so that the cut
from the jacket body to the sleeve is higher up in the armpit. The higher this cut is
the more movement capability the jacket has without riding up and down on the
grooms neck and shoulders. Dance jackets for professionals are actually constructed
in such a way that we must push our arms into the sleeve and feel a tightness under
the arm resulting in a very flexible arm and a very quiet bodice of the jacket.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
What would be your best ideas for a stress free first dance as well as emotionally
touching?
Your First Dance as Husband and Wife should be memorable and emotionally
touching. Historically the First Dance is symbolic of the consummation of the wedding
vows. This Dance is the wedding couples first cooperative engagement and joint
endeavor. When the Bride accepts Her dance with the Groom she accepts it for the
rest of her life. The frame and posture of the Groom while he proposes that the Bride
accept this dance all speak of the source of strength, love, companionship, and
guidance he offers his Bride.
The following is a list to help you make these moments as meaningful and memorable
as possible.
Learn to dance no later than 6 months prior to your wedding date. You don't want to
do this at the, "panic stage," or last minute.
Select a song that you love with a good dance tempo. Foxtrot and Waltz are your
best bet particularly if your using the Quickstart program. Slow ballads are beautiful
but too slow for either Foxtrot or Waltz which makes it very difficult for beginners. If
you have chosen a Slow Ballad there is a popular dance form known as Slow
Dancing that you may want to investigate.
Find a book that teaches you to dance and that offers advice for conducting your 1st
Dance. This will save you hundreds of dollars should you need a quick one or two
lessons brush up from an experienced professional. The foreknowledge that a book
can provide, about social dancing, will make any lesson experience highly successful.
The book will then become a great reference for the future.
You must be willing to practice often but in short increments.
Never make your First Dance at the wedding the first time you are dancing in public.
You must get out on a social dance floor and 'swim with the sharks.'
Be kind, understanding, and forgiving to each other and yourself when learning to
dance together. It isn't easy and it will be a good test of your patience and
cooperative skills as a couple. After all, you'll have to do things together, not unlike
this, the rest of your lives.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
What should I look for in a dance school/lessons? I am interested in taking dance
lessons for the big dance. What specifically should I look for in a dance
school/lessons? I have one recommendation from a friend, but I want to check out
others before I make a decision.
This is a very important question especially since it involves the prudent use of your
money and time. In the USA there is no requirement for dance instructors to be A)
Licensed, B)Examined, C)Educated at the University Level like all other teachers who
deal with topics of much less difficulty. So here are my recommendations:
ISTD Credentials which would make this teacher fit to teach not just in the USA but
anywhere in the World especially where A & B are required.
A full time Dance Instructor with a minimum 8 years experience. (Preferably a
Professional Open Competitor.)
An independent who charges one at a time at around $50.00/hour. So you don't
have to deal with contract and "sales bologna" that only gives our profession a black
eye.
Be very leery of FREE and "too good to be true" offers - they are setting you up and
really are only marketing ploys. Real and concerned teaching begins after you sign
on the bottom line! My gimmick to new students, that I teach personally, is to give
them a copy of "Quickstart To Social Dancing" to read and work with before their
lessons actually begin and at the very least all the new terminology is not "GREEK."
They'll know in advance what is expected of them in order to social dance.
At many studios as a beginner you'll get the teacher who is low man on the totem
pole. Muscle memory is indelible and you want a good foundation. This does not
mean you'll be a pro - it means you'll be able to execute with the least amount of
lessons! That will save money.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Why does Slow Dancing have to look so bad?!
Common slow dancing has always bothered me. The music is often beautiful,
romantic, meaningful, etc. But the dancing... UGGGHH!! I went to an event and fund
raiser where the format was "oldies". In addition to the young adult crowd, there were
people up into their 60's dancing to those great slow ballads. Everyone puts on a
little weight (some a lot) as they get older.... but there they were huddled over each
other still trying to get comfortable....only not fitting even less than they used too!
Every time I see this, I ask myself why don't they take a little time to get into a
comfortable dance position. One that doesn't resemble early teens at the Jr. High
Prom.
I don't think it gets much better when wedding couples adorn hundreds or even
thousands in clothing, and spend a tidy sum for photography, music, etc. and then
come out to the dance floor and rock back and forth. I, for one, am disappointed
when attending a wedding and the Bride & Groom does this......you can't even get a
good picture of their faces. If there is a disparity of several inches in their height, they
look even worse. The Groom is hunched over his Bride as if he is deformed and the
Bride struggling to reach up to him is on her toes with her butt sticking out!
Even if you are going to dance to a simple slow ballad, please take some dance
lessons. Or without sounding like a salesman, may I recommend my video and the
companion booklet on this topic called The Complete Guide To Slow Dancing. This
will be a good investment for your public presentation and photograph, and can be
used by all members of the wedding party.
(answered by dance expert, Jeff Allen)
If you do not have a special song, how do you go about picking one that is perfect?
Let me begin by presenting my ideas about what a first dance song should be. The
song or lyrics of a song that really occur or define the moment when a couple
KNOWS they have fallen deeply in love. Think of your song as a musical and
emotional photograph that fulfills the time, place, and circumstance of the realization
of your love. When you hear this song you can think of nothing else but spending the
rest of your life’s dreams, hopes, and wishes with that special person.
Now that we have set the mood criteria for a couple’s song ('Our Song'), we must
decide if it is danceable. The dance ability of any given piece of music is one of the
main reasons I have created the wedding Song Library. Couples may check several
of their choices with the tempo, and the dance type or characteristic of any posting to
the wedding Song Library. Then they learn what type of dance they must perform the
day of their wedding. Please excuse the usage of the word perform, but in reality that’
s what you are doing. A dance in front of an audience (all be it an audience that is
both compassionate and sympathetic) along with still and moving photography is a
performance. If you are prepared, your first dance can be as memorable as your
choice of song. The dance ability of a slow rhythm ballad becomes more difficult as
the rhythm or tempo (Bars Per Minute) of a song is reduced. In other words, the
slower the song the harder it is for dancing. If your selection falls under the
categories of a named dance like Waltz, Foxtrot, Rumba then you must know it or you
have some additional work to do.
When I am asked as a dance instructor and educator, it would always be my
preference to direct a couple's choice to a song whose tempo incorporates of the
named dances. In the case of a, "First Dance," I would lean toward the Waltz or
Foxtrot. These two narrow the selections down for the couple but more importantly,
when people learn a named dance they have learned a life skill as opposed to
learning something just for a milestone date. They have afforded themselves the
opportunity to dance with a broader spectrum of people over a wider range of time
and circumstances. In keeping with this line of thought at your wedding both the
Brides & Grooms will dance with a parent or surrogate. This dance partner will be
twenty or more years older than either the Bride or Groom. It is my observation they
are more comfortable dancing a basic Waltz or Foxtrot with a standardized dance
frame rather than in a romantic dance position.
To review the criteria of the perfect, "First Dance" song, you must ask yourself, "can I
dance to this song which makes me know I am completely in love with my spouse to
be?"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
How long should you dance?
Many of the most popular first dance songs are over 3 to 4 minutes long. Although
three minutes does not seem to be a long time, when you are the only couple on the
dance floor it can seem an eternity!
The optimum time for a first dance should be 2-2:30 minutes long. Due to the length
of some of the songs popular among engaged couples, this will require some
coordination between the wedding couple as well as your D. J. Listen to your song
and find the verses that are most meaningful for you. Either you or the D. J. should
prepare an audio tape of the exact time duration that pleases you with the verses
you have selected. I often make these tapes for my students who are about to get
married. In this way, the engaged couple can dance to exactly their preference
including a segue of songs if they so desire. Also by keeping the songs shorter and
more meaningful, all attention will remain focused on the dance floor!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Special help needed for the order of dances for a wedding reception. My bride-to-be
parents are still together, but my parents are divorced. My mom is single again, but
my dad has remarried and has been married for 20+ years. My step mother is just
like a mom to me. Our problem is, in what order should we dance at our reception, (i.
e. Bride and Brides father, then Bride and Groom) then Groom and Mother, and then
Groom and step Mother? Or do the Bride and Groom dance first? Any help or insight
you can provide would be greatly appreciated. Thank you.
I'm happy to help you with this one, I can see some sticky areas here and appreciate
your concerns.
The Bride & Groom must be first! This is your first act as man and wife and should
start every wedding reception. I accept but do not necessarily agree with other
formats.
Father of the Bride or whoever presents the Bride with the Bride
Groom with natural Mom and then Step-Mom
Both sets of Parents dance with each other at the same time and have the Best man
dance with your Mom. That will make her feel special rather than left out. A close
uncle or her brother could also pinch-hit. I'd go for the Best Man!!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
How should I coordinate my first dance music, order of presentation, with the D. J.,
band or orchestra?
When making wedding preparations, we often fall into the attitude that the people we
have hired are professionals - they've done lots of these - they know what to do!
Don't forget this is your day! Don't leave it only in others hands! Although it means
spending extra time on what appears to be small details, it will be worth it. Being
prepared and knowing exactly when things should and will happen will ease some of
your nervousness. I recommend preparing a script, there is an example of one in my
book Quickstart To Social Dancing. Once you have put something down in writing
those that you present it to will have to abide by what your requests are or have a
good explanation as to why they did not! (See also Musical Notebook in this section.)
Be very certain that the MC (sometimes one and the same as the D.J.) knows how to
properly pronounce all the names of the wedding party! They should also know the
exact order of the dance presentations and plan the length of each dance etc.
It sounds like a lot of extra time and effort but it will be well worth it. Have a meeting
with either or both of these professionals and go into that meeting prepared with
written questions and ideas. Each and every wedding reception has similarities as
well as great differences, please don't leave anything to chance!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Are there any hints regarding our attire for the reception?
Many times in the excitement of outfitting the wedding party, individuals forget that
they won't be posed for photographs all day! They will actually have to sit down, walk
around, bend over, hug people, and yes, dance! Keep this in mind as you try on your
wedding day attire. Actually go through the motions when you have your gown/ tux/
bridesmaid/ attire on. Many a bride and groom have made their entrance onto a
dance floor only to find one member of the couple (or both!) can't raise their arms to
form the dance couple.
While the groom may remove his wedding jacket later on in the reception, he must be
able to dance in it for your first dance. A good tuxedo is constructed so that the cut
from the jacket body to the sleeve is higher up in the armpit. The higher this cut is
the more movement capability the jacket has without riding up and down on the
grooms neck and shoulders. Dance jackets for professionals are actually constructed
in such a way that we must push our arms into the sleeve and feel a tightness under
the arm resulting in a very flexible arm and a very quiet bodice of the jacket.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
What would be your best ideas for a stress free first dance as well as emotionally
touching?
Your First Dance as Husband and Wife should be memorable and emotionally
touching. Historically the First Dance is symbolic of the consummation of the wedding
vows. This Dance is the wedding couples first cooperative engagement and joint
endeavor. When the Bride accepts Her dance with the Groom she accepts it for the
rest of her life. The frame and posture of the Groom while he proposes that the Bride
accept this dance all speak of the source of strength, love, companionship, and
guidance he offers his Bride.
The following is a list to help you make these moments as meaningful and memorable
as possible.
Learn to dance no later than 6 months prior to your wedding date. You don't want to
do this at the, "panic stage," or last minute.
Select a song that you love with a good dance tempo. Foxtrot and Waltz are your
best bet particularly if your using the Quickstart program. Slow ballads are beautiful
but too slow for either Foxtrot or Waltz which makes it very difficult for beginners. If
you have chosen a Slow Ballad there is a popular dance form known as Slow
Dancing that you may want to investigate.
Find a book that teaches you to dance and that offers advice for conducting your 1st
Dance. This will save you hundreds of dollars should you need a quick one or two
lessons brush up from an experienced professional. The foreknowledge that a book
can provide, about social dancing, will make any lesson experience highly successful.
The book will then become a great reference for the future.
You must be willing to practice often but in short increments.
Never make your First Dance at the wedding the first time you are dancing in public.
You must get out on a social dance floor and 'swim with the sharks.'
Be kind, understanding, and forgiving to each other and yourself when learning to
dance together. It isn't easy and it will be a good test of your patience and
cooperative skills as a couple. After all, you'll have to do things together, not unlike
this, the rest of your lives.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
What should I look for in a dance school/lessons? I am interested in taking dance
lessons for the big dance. What specifically should I look for in a dance
school/lessons? I have one recommendation from a friend, but I want to check out
others before I make a decision.
This is a very important question especially since it involves the prudent use of your
money and time. In the USA there is no requirement for dance instructors to be A)
Licensed, B)Examined, C)Educated at the University Level like all other teachers who
deal with topics of much less difficulty. So here are my recommendations:
ISTD Credentials which would make this teacher fit to teach not just in the USA but
anywhere in the World especially where A & B are required.
A full time Dance Instructor with a minimum 8 years experience. (Preferably a
Professional Open Competitor.)
An independent who charges one at a time at around $50.00/hour. So you don't
have to deal with contract and "sales bologna" that only gives our profession a black
eye.
Be very leery of FREE and "too good to be true" offers - they are setting you up and
really are only marketing ploys. Real and concerned teaching begins after you sign
on the bottom line! My gimmick to new students, that I teach personally, is to give
them a copy of "Quickstart To Social Dancing" to read and work with before their
lessons actually begin and at the very least all the new terminology is not "GREEK."
They'll know in advance what is expected of them in order to social dance.
At many studios as a beginner you'll get the teacher who is low man on the totem
pole. Muscle memory is indelible and you want a good foundation. This does not
mean you'll be a pro - it means you'll be able to execute with the least amount of
lessons! That will save money.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Why does Slow Dancing have to look so bad?!
Common slow dancing has always bothered me. The music is often beautiful,
romantic, meaningful, etc. But the dancing... UGGGHH!! I went to an event and fund
raiser where the format was "oldies". In addition to the young adult crowd, there were
people up into their 60's dancing to those great slow ballads. Everyone puts on a
little weight (some a lot) as they get older.... but there they were huddled over each
other still trying to get comfortable....only not fitting even less than they used too!
Every time I see this, I ask myself why don't they take a little time to get into a
comfortable dance position. One that doesn't resemble early teens at the Jr. High
Prom.
I don't think it gets much better when wedding couples adorn hundreds or even
thousands in clothing, and spend a tidy sum for photography, music, etc. and then
come out to the dance floor and rock back and forth. I, for one, am disappointed
when attending a wedding and the Bride & Groom does this......you can't even get a
good picture of their faces. If there is a disparity of several inches in their height, they
look even worse. The Groom is hunched over his Bride as if he is deformed and the
Bride struggling to reach up to him is on her toes with her butt sticking out!
Even if you are going to dance to a simple slow ballad, please take some dance
lessons. Or without sounding like a salesman, may I recommend my video and the
companion booklet on this topic called The Complete Guide To Slow Dancing. This
will be a good investment for your public presentation and photograph, and can be
used by all members of the wedding party.